Post-Sequester Whiplash

The sequester has taken effect, and the President continues to pitch a fit. According to a recent article, the White House will cease all tours after this week, citing the sequester as the reason for the cutback.

whitehouse_exterior_030413.jpg
Well, no tour for the kiddos this spring break….

Oh, please.

You can’t find any better way to deal with the situation? As the author of the above-referenced article correctly states, this brings to mind petty and childish behavior (“I’m gonna take my ball and go home.”). Instead of causing “alarm to the children” by closing the White House right before spring break, why not do something meaningful to help save the money the sequester is supposed to take out of the budget? Something like–oh, I don’t know–cut out a few rounds of golf? Or drop one of those garishly expensive vacations from the Imperial schedule? (Ahem! excuse me, the Presidential schedule.)

"If we're not playing my way, I don't wanna play at all!!"
“If we’re not playing my way, I don’t wanna play at all!!”

And as for the closure causing alarm to the children: really now? Because a few kids will have their feelings hurt because their every whim isn’t granted this spring break, we’re supposed to cave on fiscal responsibility and do away with this drop in the bucket of a cut to the projected spending increase?

What the sequester really looks like. Notice that the cuts don't even change the slope of the line.
What the sequester really looks like. Notice that the cuts don’t even change the slope of the line.

Mr. and Ms. Plutocrats of the Potomac, y’all remember something: you work for me. And your constituents. And we have a new order of operation for y’all:

Give us a break . . . We’re not as dumb as you think we are.

Here’s what the politicians have been screaming would happen if the sequester took effect: riots in the streets. Millions without proper food as meat spoiled for lack of USDA inspectors to verify its quality. Hundreds of thousands realizing that their children would not receive as much help at school as thousands of teachers would be laid off. Tens of thousands of first responders (police officers, paramedics, and firefighters) laid off, resulting in less effective crime control, accident response, and fire-fighting capabilities.

In short, the end of the world. Total chaos. Widespread panic.

I see dead people....walking!
I see dead people….walking!

Thousands rushed to the stores to stock up on bread, milk, eggs, meat, frozen goods, and tofu. The manufacturers of these commodities smiled and raked in the cash, silently thanking the Good Lord above for Obama’s imbecilic and childish portrayal of the sequester as the end of the world, laughing in their sleeves as they collected from the people foolish enough to buy into the hype.

You’ve heard of post-Christmas syndrome (when someone goes on a credit card binge and then gets the bill in January: “I spent HOW MUCH?!?!?”)? Well, there’s a new post- syndrome in town:

Post-sequester syndrome.

depressed
Good thing you bought six months’ worth of groceries, bro…

For those of you who may know someone suffering with this painful condition, remember: gentle compassion is the best antidote. Try to put yourself in the person’s shoes, see how the “extremely persuasive” rhetoric could have induced the panic, and sympathize with them as much as possible. I sure hope you’re not reading this post while you’re near them:

You need to do your laughing in private. Okay?

Here’s to surviving yet another crisis!

2012-06-09-Sky-is-falling
Uh-duh!
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One thought on “Post-Sequester Whiplash

  1. Obama did not fully explain the sequester did he? He did not mention why we would have to cut off college tuition programs for our soldiers returning from Iran with missing arms and legs did he? Did he say that we would STILL be spending millions each year to legalize gay marriage in other states and expand gay rights however? The money to spend on Lawmaker paychecks comes from the same department of treasury that will no longer fund college tuition for troops. Oh you think that lawmakers work for free writing new legislature for gay rights expansion programs? That money has to come from somewhere and it is called the department of treasury. We cant support the troops and gay marriage at the same time. Its now being called a sequester.

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